The past few weeks have slowed down since I'm no longer working anymore. Surprise surprise. I usually cant tolerate jobs I hate for too long. This wasn't even suppose to be my actual job. The initial plan was to work there while job hunting until I land a good job, then bounce. None of my plans ever work the way I intend it to. It began with summer this year when all the kiddies were out of school looking for work. Times are hard. It's hard for me to take on a jobs that would usually pay 40-50k a year but dropped to minimum wage and even worst, without benefits sometimes. Who can blame them though, there are desperate unemployed people all over the place that would jump for any job, employers are just taking advantage of it.

My pride won't let me but then my wallet is crying. Whatever, let it cry a bit for now. I ended up working for my mom "temporarily" as her general manager, cashier, salesperson or punching bag and basically whatever the hell she needs. I had to cover for her ass since she fired someone and we couldn't hire another person on short notice. At least not a qualified one. I covered 2 shifts and worked 90 hours a week off the books. She wasn't very precise with my pay either. Yup, never work for family.

Initially I just wanted to work part time or full time waitressing at some chic Japanese restaurant. Figured it would have been an interesting new environment to dive in while I'm working around now until I get back to school. I didn't have the experience though and apparently politely serving food is rocket science. It's not like I'm applying to be a fucking astronaut. I should have lied on my resume but I'm paranoid since I might get screwed over. I would have written I have experience and worked at some random place across the country, but that wouldn't cut it. They want "at least 2 years of NYC experience". People in the same field tend to be familiar with other places here. Pompous twits.

I really need to start looking for another job again, get to the blood test lab to find out when I'm dying, go to the DMV and catch up on all my paperwork (bills). Oh, and redo my resume. I have a pile of important things I need to do but as predicted, I avoid it. I've always hated taking care of things like this because I've been doing it for everyone else since I was a kid. Shit gets old, I hate the system. It's how I always end up digging myself into a hole and crying about it after. The IRS is going to come after my ass, I still owe them $200 from a couple years ago and half of my paycheck at the time went to taxes. Greedy bastards. I refuse, they robbed me enough already.


So...books I've been meaning to finish reading or start (re-)reading has been piling up over my bed. I need to get to it.  I can feel my brain slowly withering away. I'm becoming more of a dim-wit by the day. So instead of being productive with what I need or should do and getting my life organized, I've been internet shopping. It's my new found addiction and it's fucking terrible. Brain: "Good job Donna, real fucking productive". It's like a drill sergeant sometimes. I maxed out my card last week and paid a third of it for the time being. T-mobile keeps spam calling me cause my bills are overdue, but what am I suppose to say? Fuck off I can't pay yet cause I maxed out my card!! (and my payment hasn't cleared yet).

It's really a bad habit I should fix. I usually end up paying all my bills a month or two late. For example, my cable internet bill- I usually pay every 2-3 months instead of monthly like I am suppose to. Mostly because I always throw aside my mail. I'll remember to pay when they cut off the internet. Every time I finally pay for the bill I feel like I'm being cheated, $150 for internet?! motherfu-..oh wait I haven't paid in 3 months. The ironic thing about all of this was I worked as a mortgage counselor. I did budgeting reports for my clients and worked with their banks all the time. I should be fucking awesome with money and budgeting my life. Nope, I just avoid everything when it comes to my personal life, peter pan syndrome kicking in. I can already see the images of my future cardboard box house.

I think the ability to have all my junk shipped to my door enables me because I would usually never go out shopping. I even order all my daily necessities like shampoo, face wash and other things online as well. Modern life is so damn ridiculous (or I am). I hate shopping physically. Too many choices, too many people, too many things all over the place. Oh, and my feet hurts. I forgot how awesome eBay was, I went on a spree. I’ve been trying to rationalize everything I've been purchasing by selling my old collections of things I bought in high school but never touched. Overpriced Japanese CDs, magazines, books and Gothic Lolita Bibles. It was such an expensive hobby. I can't believe I bought fucking magazines for $25 each and even more for the CDs. What the hell was I thinking. I was surprised it's actually selling I guess fans still love that stuff.

This. I’ve also been trying to rationalize for months now but to no avail to buy this ridiculously overpriced yet oh-so-appealing item. The desired item serves no real purpose, I just have a bad case of the I WANTs. Even worst, Samantha Thavasa in NYC doesn't carry this design and it's almost sold out in Japan. Time is ticking! Every argument my conscience has thrown at me is stubbornly countered with BUT I WANT IT. I'm pretty much having a kid at the supermarket tantrum moment in my head over this. Except, I'm both the kid and the parent in this case. I hate you conscience. Leave me the fuck alone. Just look at it! It's calling my name. T_T


Another batch of useless but yet so appealing things I've succumb to purchasing lately. I hate myself so much right now. Mixstyle headphones! Ahh, I can imagine myself getting stoned to death by tech geeks because they're really not especially superior when it comes to it's performance but they do the job. And seriously, who gives a shit?! Just look at them.

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