I recently watched 'Last Life in The Universe'. It has been on my to watch list for at least 6 years. I remember my best friend in high school recommended it. I should have listened to her. She was always the smarter, interestingly charming and opinionated one. I've always admired people like that, the people who finds the best perspective in the small details of life. Especially those who can express it eloquently. I'm not sure she knows I feel that way about her. I wish she knew because now may be too late. I was always less than average creatively. "Hey, do my English homework. I'll do your art project" Comparatively, my writing or how I communicate in general is simply word vomit.

I think now might actually have been the right time for me to finally see this film. I probably wouldn't have appreciate it as much during my high school years. At least not to its full potential. I was too busy spazzing the fuck out when I found out Aya had a penis. I seriously thought Aya was one of the few female band members. I should have known. Damn you Visual Kei.

It's somewhat like a silent film without the silence, if that makes any sense. Kind of reminds me of 'All About Lily Chou Chou'. Very little conversing, a lot of imagery and random violence without the violence. Good concepts. One of those movies I have to put aside time entirely to watch or I wouldn't make it to the end. 

I loved the artistic and oddly humorous aspects of it but to be honest- whole thing is still a mindfuck. At least the ending for this is. How did he get arrested? I thought he took a shit and escaped through the window. (Seriously he had epic diarrhea while people were getting shot lmao) I spent the last couple hours after watching the movie trying to figure out what the hell happened. Damn you directors. Maybe their movie budget hit zero so they just called it a day.

I think I must have watched Lily Chou Chou at least 4 times. First time sober, the other half I was high. I found something new every time. I'd do that again for this movie but lately, everything is boring. Getting baked  late night and watching movies and cartoons just seems unappealing at the moment. Oh yeah, The Cleveland Show was especially hilarious. I usually don't watch it on a normal basis. I think the writers were probably high writing it so it made more sense when you watch it high. Get to the same comprehensive state of mind.

Why do I want to kill myself?

I don't know...

I wouldn't kill myself forthe same reasons as other suicidal people.

Money problems...

Broken heart...

Hopelessness...

No, not me.

Many books say "Death is relaxing."

Did you know that?

No need to follow the latest trends...

No need to keep pace with the rest of the world...

No more e-mail...

No more telephone...

It'll be like taking a nap...

Before waking up refreshed and ready to begin your next life.

That's what they say.

"This is bliss."

"Black Lizard", by Yukio Mishima

"The lizard wakes up and finds he's the last lizard alive.

His family and friends are all gone.

Those he didn't like,

those who picked on him in school, are also gone.

The lizard is all alone.

He misses his family and friends.

Even his enemies.

It's better being with your enemies than being alone.

That's what he thought.

Staring at the sunset, he thinks.

"What is the point in living...

If I don't have anyone to talk to?"

But even that thought doesn't mean anything...

when you're the last lizard."

Hilarious.

If I had a house, it would resemble this.... -_-

Then I'd get really OCD and clean after a month

Now THIS is how you apologize.

Pot doesn't do this, don't know what the fuck shes on.

Let's sleep here tonight.

Good.

You want to see me again?

Yes.

When?

One day.