I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore. I find myself having a hard time trying to breathe while my mind is imploding from the endless series of running thoughts. I had to get a new inhaler from my general practitioner a bit ago. It's late in the middle of the night and the same emptiness is crawling back again lately. I hate this lingering feeling. Charlie Brown was right.

I made a mess of myself and I need to learn how to stop, to dull myself out and regain that numbing composure that helps suppress everything. It's the only way I know how to survive without completely falling apart. I'm living in my own head again.

I need my music... and I should start reading again. Yeah...that.

“here she is, all mine, trying her best to give me all she can. How could I ever hurt her? But I didn’t understand then. That I could hurt somebody so badly she would never recover. That a person can, just by living, damage another human being beyond repair.” ― Haruki Murakami

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then the one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older
And shorter of breath and one day closer to death

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways.

Labels: bad habits, dull, i don't fucking know., insomnia, lyrics, music, quotes, sad