I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s like all I can do is keep writing this gibberish to keep from breaking apart.

I'm trying not to be this way. I really am. It seems like I've been chronically stuck with Charlie Brown syndrome or something. Not sure what to do or what to think- Do I actually believe this or do I just want to believe it... it's so tiring trying to figure everything out and find a logical meaning. What appears to be the simplest always become the most complicated. I often wonder if I'm really just being stupid and delusional when it all boils down. This is why I stay apathetic, otherwise I self destruct under all the insecurities. The disease in me is overpowering. I can't keep my thoughts together anymore, I can barely keep up. I'm writing complete nonsense, I need to stop. The only way I know how to deal with this is to start isolating myself from others for minimal damage. I can't stand myself whenever I'm like this, it's repulsive.

Something really is wrong with me. And I don't know what it is.

Labels: bad days, bad habits, breaking everything, drama, fucked up, hurt, i don't fucking know., life, mentality, ocd, self-esteem