“here she is, all mine, trying her best to give me all she can. How could I ever hurt her? But I didn’t understand then. That I could hurt somebody so badly she would never recover. That a person can, just by living, damage another human being beyond repair.”
― Haruki Murakami

Its been a battle just trying to get some time on the phone with him and every time I finally do get permission which is rather said because otherwise without it, all my calls are ignored. The entire phone call just starts with hostility. I don't know where it is coming from, it only makes me think you hate me now. Theres no more exceptions. But even towards are stranger you aren't so harsh. Thats why I can't hold back the tears, hearing your hatred and annoyance in your voice simply because you have to take my phone call is very disheartening. Every word pierces like a needle with your anger and tone. Theres not the slightest tone of remorse of a lost love or that I was loved at all. Usually I don't put up with people who treat me like shit, but time and time again I try to get across to you facing your anger. You don't even realize I'm already changing all my standards and self respect for you. You think you can hear it by tone or life decisions, but you'll never really know all of it. I'm willing to take all the hits as long as I get to stay a part of your life, even if its an insignificant part out of pity. We say we're going to take some time off; I know for sure I'll never love anyone like I do you, but you already brought up the part of moving on to new people who makes us happier. I thought I made you happy or you loved me for the way I made you feel. So if you're actively looking for a new love while I;n loyally waiting for yours, what do I do then? Winter break, spring break, all of it is still not enough time for you. When is there enough time? I don't want to be led on with illusions of a second chance and left even more broken.


I can see you deleting me from all the parts of your life already. So I erased myself from face book entirely. I only wrote and updated about us to begin with. I have no use for it anymore. Have you realized your life is a lot simpler and happier without me existing in your world? I don't see any reason otherwise to your constant harsh tone filled with discontent and annoyance. There was a time when you wanted me to talk to you and make my whole world about you. Now that it is, my whole world is falling apart. I gave you everything I had mentally and physically. but the happiness I thought we had wasn't enough to keep you here. I feel like such a fool. Stupid Stupid girl. I always feel for your pretty words and you can lie to me and deceive me and I'll probably still fall for it anyway because I've given up all my self respect to make you happy. You never realized it or acknowledge it. Or else we wouldn't be at this point where you're telling me I am poison and will never change. I've changed so much more than you know inside and out in order to please you. I'm just a foolish girl in the end.  I gave you myself and now it feels like you threw my heart on the pavement, stepped all over it, and backed up your car a few times over it.

“But who can say what's best? That's why you need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. My experience tells me that we get no more than two or three such chances in a life time, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives.”
― Haruki Murakami

“I want you always to remember me. Will you remember that I existed, and that I stood next to you here like this?” ― Haruki Murakami

When did I mean so little that you can discard me just like that at first without even a thought of trying. Am I the only one whose stupid and refuse to let go because I believe we owe it to ourselves to give it a try? If you're actively looking for a new love that will please you  mentally and physically in all the ways you want without speaking back to you, I'll still wait in the background. I've waiting for 8 years watching you love and live your life with someone else in silence. Its selfish to only want someone who never speaks back and  is best for you because they treat you well and need you. Its all about your satisfaction. But what about the other person? will you love them simply because they are like your pet and obey you in every sense?  You love them because they love you? Or would you rather love someone not out of selfishness but truly love someone because they are the amazing person you always thought them to be, even if they aren't what you need from a relationship thats all about you.

 You were hurt and made a huge deal when I broke several promises, but you broke every single promise you made to me since day one doing this and I can still find it in my heart to forgive you. But I'm still holding onto your promises. You're a man of your word right? then stop taking the easy way out like I'm so disposing whore.who means nothing so you can brush off and trash me anytime. If you love someone fight for them if you don't even put up a struggle and fight, that only tells the world, yourself and me that person didn't mean much to you to begin with. Its frustrating no matter how you try to justify your actions. And most of all, it hurts. It pains me to every part of me to see thats all I was worth.



Despite everything, It's only about what you believe to be true and the correct approach. Just you and your stubborn believes that your words and thoughts are absolute. Are you not capable of mistakes? Are you god? Is it only your way or the highway?Either way it feels like I'm getting run over and trampled by things flying by me. So why don't you just pull the trigger because I'm slowly dying by your hands and relentless beliefs in your own point of view.

I'm willing to compromise everything and to try everything, but why is it that you can just stomp around in anger without doing your part of what we need to improve. It's not just all me, so please stop treating me like shit every time I try to get through to you and have a solid understand on both sides. The way you act and behave. The way you constantly try to get away and hang up. It'd all so harsh, do you see or hear yourself? I do. But I still love you. I never said I was smart but everything you've done to me and got me to believe has opened up a pandora's box I can't close. And it's all for you. Ive chanced a lot more than you recognize over all this time, you're just blinded by whatever it is you want to call how you treat me to acknowledge any of it.



Either way, I'm waiting for you and my voice never to reach you changes into a sad song. I think for now, I'll just bury myself with school since I'm literally all alone. Theres no one reaching out to me and there is no longer anyone I can reach out to for help and support anymore. I feel like I have zero friends and nobody in my life as always. But its nothing new. I'll just pretend I woke up from a really long dream and I'm back to where I was. No matter how much suffering I went through I never want to let go of these memories. As long as you remember me, I don't care of everyone else forgets.

“Sometimes when I look at you, I feel I'm gazing at a distant star. It's dazzling, but the light is from tens of thousands of years ago.Maybe the star doesn't even exist any more. Yet sometimes that light seems more real to me than anything.” ― Haruki Murakami

Labels: alone, apathetic, bad days, bad habits, breaking everything, communication, depressed, drama, frustration, fucked up, hurt, i don't fucking know., lost, relationships, sad, self-esteem, sorrow, tired, truths

I fell apart yesterday and even though it was only halfway through the allotted amount of time we agreed on, we talked for a bit. I broke down crying just hearing his voice again. I miss him so much and theres no words in the world that can describe just exactly how much I do. This constant yearning. You are my drug. You are my addiction. You are everything I want and need. It worried me when we talked and every time he spoke as if I should get ready for the worst scenario. Like remember no matter what I still etc. Even if we're not together etc. I really don't want to hear you saying it like that. I want us to be ok and absolute. Any possibility of losing you terrifies me to no end. Even if its .000001%, it would still be too much of a risk. I need him 150%.

Oh, I’ve loved you from the start
In every single way
And more each passing day
You are brighter than the stars
Believe me when I say
It’s not about your scars
It’s all about your heart

You’re a butterfly held captive
Small and safe in your cocoon
Go on you can take your time
Time is said to heal all wounds

Couldn't make it to class today with everything thats going on taking my insomnia to a whole new level. I find myself constantly dizzy and tired. Plus I really need to get my eyes checked. All the strain I put on my eyes all day is starting to add up to massive headaches. I keep waking up after a couple of hours of sleep and can't seem to stay asleep for one straight night.



I just want to crawl into a comfy bed and never have to wake up again but then again I'd be a total disappointment and failure. I guess I should at least make it to repay my mother for putting a roof over my head even though life have been total shit under that same roof.. If I were in a vegetative state, I might as well be dead. Just another useless thing taking up space on earth wasting oxygen. I think thats why counselors, therapists and all professions that are somewhere along that line take the whole sometimes I just want to fall asleep and never have to wake up as a red light for someone being suicidal. Honestly, I'm pretty sure I go through a whole series of suicidal thoughts every day but it doesn't mean I'll go through with it... It just means I'm worn out and life is tiresome and sometimes it might really be easier to take the easy way out. But nothing worth having in life comes easy.

Just like my own fairytale relationship. The foundation of it has been shaken up lately and I think both of us being so alike are terrified of getting hurt and being vulnerable. But he's amazing and the only one I want. What we have is so much more than everything because our love triumphs over it. So even if I get hurt and I'm hurting, I'll fight for you. I may have given up on myself over a decade ago, but I'll never give up on you. So please don't give up on me the way I did to myself. We need each other in that sense. If you really love someone fight for them, never let go.



Being OCD and constantly worrying and obsessing is really taking a toll on me. I feel like I aged triple my age since last week. I'm always exhausted and constantly fatigue even though it's not like I ran a marathon or anything. I'm literally driving myself to the edge of exhaustion physically because I'm mentally fucked up...I'm passing out or randomly nodding off again as I type so I'm probably going to call it a day. Another day gone, another day to count then another and another. Sigh. I miss you so much love. I wonder if you're having as hard of a time adjusting as I do. Ir maybe you're relieved of a shit ton of burden because I'm no longer around. Either way, I'm waiting for you so I hope you can see that we really do have something special between us that keeps us together. The universe brought us together and finally gave us the chance after a decade, don't be the one to give up so easily after all our history and silent wishes and prayers for each other. And now we finally have each other.

My posts probably aren't making much sense lately because I refuse to review or read over what I've written because I know I'll delete everything reading myself whining and bitching  about every other thing. The grammar or spelling and etc has probably been abysmal also, but I hate reviewing - no spelling or grammar check either. I really can't stand myself consciously and I annoy myself a lot of the times. I think there are moments when I'm speaking to someone or in groups and I pause and think goddamn I'm so fucking annoying, can someone please take over the fucking conversation please.... in my head. Then I proceed to forget what the hell I'm talking about in the first place. This is why it's easier to just rant to no one but a blog.... It doesn't gets its feelings hurt and I don't have to worry about what I say or pre-filter everything I write first in my head before just pouring it all out in its raw tangled up way it runs in my mind.

Ok, I'm really tired. I just face planted while writing that last paragraph and woke up randomly at 3am, finished the rest of it, even though I can't see what I'm writing and now back to trying to sleep...

Labels: i miss you, insanity, lost, love, quotes, rant, relationships, self-esteem, smoking, sorry, stuck, tired

I've had way more than my share of ups and downs lately both emotionally and physically. I can't say which is worst but I've been increasingly feeling lonely and sad again. Seems like my friend depression is back and its making me feel empty and manic at the same time.  Even when I'm surrounded by a large group of people or when I'm alone with my boy friend. ''We accept the love we think we deserve." I think I really fucked up there. I was selfish and accepted and held onto a love I didn't deserve. I don't deserve to be loved, I've come to accept that there is no possible way of true love for me before in life and yet I've became so over my head mesmerized with how finally the best thing in my life has happened to me and I never want to let it go or out of my grasps for even half a second. The thing is, I'm still broken and still as fucked up as I always am and theres no reason for me to be this way other than trauma and my inability to overcome my past that still haunts me on a daily basis.


And then he came along, being the best thing and person thats ever happened to me in my life a so far and I've gone ahed and sabotage everything just by simply being me. I swear I'm not even trying or consciously aware of what I am doing but no matter what I do, it seems to be wrong. Theres always this line drawn for every person I've met in my life of how much of my bullshit cynical asshole behavior they can tolerate before they completely turn their backs and absolutely on me and want nothing to do with me anymore. And I think even he can't take it anymore. There's only so much a person can tolerate and I can see it withering apart. I wish he'd show me otherwise. Show me that I'm wrong and that he still loves me selflessly. But maybe thats just way too much to ask for. All I wanted was reassurance of your love. That's why I'm always asking questions. I'm trying to find the answer you're not giving me.

I never felt drained around him, I never felt the need to make pointless small talk, we could sit side by side in bed in silence and the moment will still feel perfectly infinite. He was me escapism. To be quite honest, I've come to rely and broke down all my walls around him so much so that I don't think I can think of a life without him anymore. I know its sad and pathetic that I can't find a reason to live for myself.


It constantly scares the fuck out of me when I observe his indifferent behavior sometimes. And all I can here in my head is my heart pounding to a point where I get panic attacks and I can no longer breathe. Just myself yelling at me "good job asshole you wanted so much of this love you don't deserve that you're driving away the one good thing in your life. You're always a fuck up and always will be a fuck up and no one will or can ever put up with your ugly personality". And now that he sees how ugly I am really inside and out, there isn't much more of any mystery in me to keep me interesting. I am nothing and I have nothing to offer. In fact, I'm just a shit load of burden. Not only am I ruining my life but I'm taking him down with me and thats that last thing I want to do. I always want to best for him nut I don't think realizes a quarter of how stronger I feel about us. Maybe I'd be doing him a favor by killing myself or ending it all so I can set him free. He deserves to be with someone much better than me. Someone good in every way, he deserves the best and I'm just garbage. I can hardly breathe thinking about all of this. We just fought and I'm so scared I can't fall asleep with this unsettled feeling of uncertainty. Are you fed up with me and sick of all my shit?

I never truly loved before so I don't know if I'm doing anything right. I'm trying my best though. Because truth be told, between the two of us, I am the reacher and he can do so much better than me in a split second. But just because I acknowledge that I am all this, it doesn't mean it kills me to see him care less by the day. I've been trying way too hard from the very beginning to please and pleasure him however he wants and whenever that now, I just feel dirty and cheap. So pathetic, but I just wanted to do everything in my power to make him feel good and I like the intimacy. Its too bad most people see the act of sex as just sex.  Maybe I'm lame and old school, but I see it as making love, making a connection and passion. But those who don't see it that way just think THat's all I care about and I have no deeper side of me other than lust. Its truly saddening; I tried too hard and now I made nothing of myself. I have no self worth. My self esteem is crushed to bits and pieces shattered all over the ground with me being the female thats constantly being shot down. Isn't it usually the opposite? That guys want it more? It just makes me think I must be really disgusting and ugly for it to be this way. Self esteem in negatives and it just keeps sinking.

Ive broken all my standards and exceptions trying to keep him happy, but somethings trying is no good enough. Its just me as an individual that's not good enough.Tonight I really wanted to find a knife and just go release all the tension and multilane my arms all over again. To see the redding blood dripping down my arms and focus on nothing but that not only upsets him, it repulses him. Oh the sharp pain knot in my heart of knowing the one you love not only do they turn their back to you and push you away. You're disgusting and repulsive to them instead of helping you. I wanted to just die right at that moment.


I want more, I want to be smothered by his love but I'm not getting it. It feels like its slowly deteriorating from the moment we starting living together the first summer. I miss all the small details an I really miss when you use to care more. This is breaking me apart all over again. I don't know if i should keep pushing to try and fight for your love. But in the end, if I have to force it upon you to come at least comfort me when I'm crying, I think you've already given up on me. It's not real if you have to beg for comfort and love all the time. It's a chore and It loses most of its purpose if you don't love me enough to yield to me when I'm a mess and crying all over the place.

My flight is in 4 days on Thursday, I really hope things get better before I leave for good this time. I have a feeling if our relationship doesn't improve and stay strong, That'll be the last of me. I probably won't be traveling and staying long visits to LA anymore since its been made clear that I'm extra burden financially and health-wish in terms of sleep. I don't have a place to call him, but either way. I'm not welcomed anywhere so I'll return to my little corner of the world and hide. Suffering it all in silence.

Labels: alone, bad days, California, drama, escapism, falling, insanity, insomnia, lost, love, mentality, miserable, mistakes, nyc, questions, self destructive, self-esteem

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s like all I can do is keep writing this gibberish to keep from breaking apart.

I'm trying not to be this way. I really am. It seems like I've been chronically stuck with Charlie Brown syndrome or something. Not sure what to do or what to think- Do I actually believe this or do I just want to believe it... it's so tiring trying to figure everything out and find a logical meaning. What appears to be the simplest always become the most complicated. I often wonder if I'm really just being stupid and delusional when it all boils down. This is why I stay apathetic, otherwise I self destruct under all the insecurities. The disease in me is overpowering. I can't keep my thoughts together anymore, I can barely keep up. I'm writing complete nonsense, I need to stop. The only way I know how to deal with this is to start isolating myself from others for minimal damage. I can't stand myself whenever I'm like this, it's repulsive.

Something really is wrong with me. And I don't know what it is.

Labels: bad days, bad habits, breaking everything, drama, fucked up, hurt, i don't fucking know., life, mentality, ocd, self-esteem

Wednesdays always seem to go by way too fast. I'm never as productive as I should be with my day off. The beginning of the week at workplace1 has been yet another bad week. Honestly, most of my shifts at workplace1 has been made up of mostly shitty nights over the rare occasional good ones. I'm not just talking about the pay. It's the people that's starting to get to me. One thing I've been noticing is every Tuesday even if I'm a minute late, I always get the same shitty section when its chosen by "lottery". Obviously not, because it just so happens that if I'm actually on time I pick out a better section to work on. Whenever I'm not there when they split the floor, I always get shafted since the other two servers have more seniority and I'm not there to witness anything so there's nothing I can really say or do.

That aside, the chefs are really starting to get on my nerves. I can't really communicate well with them mostly because of the language barrier but at least read the fucking ticket when I put an order into the POS. I had a customer I recognize from a few weeks ago come back and I was his server again since it was after 9pm. The guy is a bitch. Yes, a man-bitch. Along with his two snobby kids. Its like pulling teeth trying to stay civil and polite to them when they naturally act like its their god given right to treat you like shit because you're waiting on them. I seriously cannot stand serving them but the worst part is, after making ten different modifications to all the sushi or dishes they order, the chef disregards all the modifications and makes it as it is. The food comes out wrong and I get all the shit for it from both ends. Remember, I don't make your fucking food- I just bring it to you. Then I have to send it back multiple times and the chef would throw a fit and bitch at me for it. It's not my problem you can't fucking read a simple ticket. The sushi chef this time actually threw a tantrum and threw the entire platter into the trash while muttering loudly.

Here I was starting to feel guilty and pondering what I'm going to do when I need to quit but they're actually making my decision easier by the week. One of my co-workers actually came up to me earlier during the beginning of my shift and asked why I'm so quiet and that I should socialize more. I don't like to say more than I have to; I don't like starting bullshit conversations about the weather with someone I work with a couple hours a week for the hell of it. It's not like I ignore anyone who talks to me or I'm nasty to anyone. I can converse fine if someone wants to strike up a conversation and I'll be friendly too unless they give me a reason to be otherwise. I'm just usually not the type to go up to someone I barely know during work and talk about frivolous things. I don't feel the need to be or act like I'm BFFs with anyone and everyone.

I'm standing in my section and POS station which happens to be by the window. I tend to daze out or just people watch from the windows a lot, even at home or at places I hang out at. It was a slow night and I was blankly staring through the glass. One of the guy co-workers comes up to me, most of the conversation went like this from what I recall-

CW: Hey, are you bored?
Me: No, why? whats up?
CW: Why are you alone here?
Me: Cause I got this section again but I like people watching, kinda why I always like window seats.
CW: Ah, you don't get bored?
Me: Not really
CW: Why don't you talk to people?
Me: What do you mean? I do talk to people, I'm talking to you right now aren't I?
CW: Yeah but that's because I always approach you first.
Me: That's just how I am, I don't go up to everyone or say more than I have to but I talk to you guys all the time if you're talking to me.
CW: Shouldn't you be talking to <another girl co-worker> more or something?
Me: Whys that?
CW: Well, don't you guys have girly shit to talk about or something?
Me: Not really, plus she doesn't talk to me so I don't really bother her. This is work anyway.
CW: You're weird
Me: Why is that weird? I'm pretty simple. I mind my own business and keep to myself, but I'm still friendly to whoever that talks to me. It's just less complicated that way.
CW: I guess it makes you come off as snobby or unapproachable to people.
Me: I see, so people are talking huh?
CW: No, I'm just making sure you're okay working here.

It was clearly not the case, hes a terrible liar. He just walked away awkwardly after that.

I can't say I'm surprise. People will always gossip whether its at work, at school, in life, online, or just about anywhere that brings multiple people together. Even if you're doing absolutely nothing, that's something to gossip about. It kind of makes me think about gossip in general. Like just recently it just came to my attention that a small group of people I use to talk to were spreading rumors that I slept with someone or was fucking around. Well, most of them were more like acquaintances and maybe some were friends. My initial reaction was "What the fuck? Who the hell is spewing this bullshit?", Then I realized I really can't be arsed to find out in detail because whoever part of it probably isn't anyone that's worth my time- whether they're friends, strangers or acquaintances they'll just simply become nothing to me. I wasn't sure if I should laugh and pity them for having nothing better to do than gossip over someone who has absolutely nothing to do with their life or group anymore. Or if I should be mad there's false rumors going around me that's not exactly flattering especially for a women. It just goes to show people's true character when it comes to gossip. Hating someone can be very tiring and burdensome. Do I hate whoever that started the rumor or is part of it? No, I nothing them. Hate is actually a level above nothing since it actually requires energy and mentality to hate someone. Just steer clear of the wrong kinds of people and be careful about who I surround myself with or who I confide in. That's all.

It all goes back to my resolution to prioritize, whether its what I need to do in life to what I preoccupy my time and energy towards. There are more important things that warrants my attention so I really shouldn't give half a shit about petty people who gets a kick out of gossiping. Enough of drama and disaster. I'll get pissed about it later when I have time. Right now, I'll just focus on my life and getting it back in order.


Months ago some events happened that lead me to feeling like shit about myself physically. It's not that the insecurities wasn't always there, its just different when you get slapped in the face with it. There was nothing I can do about my height since it's just the hand I was dealt but weight and size I can change. I started dieting and watching what I ate obsessively. Along with trying to start an exercise routine and all that jazz. The exercise part didn't last too long, especially after I started working 2 jobs but I figured my jobs is as physically demanding as it would be if I worked out for a hour or two at home since I'm always on my feet running around and carrying things. I'm always late or low on times so I usually squeeze in a small meal before work and that'd be my meal of the day. I don't even feel the hunger anymore or maybe I've just grown accustomed to it. This obsession slowly transitioned into a lifestyle that fits perfectly with my schedule. After some months of this obsession and inferior feeling, I lost a good amount of weight. And here's the kicker- I don't feel any different or better. Some family and friends noticed the change on me losing weight, some didn't. I'm not quite sure if there actually is any difference. A close friend of mines asked me one night as we were walking down the dark streets in Williamsburg if I felt any different or better after losing so much weight. It really made me think. I felt the same it's still the same flaws. It's hard to feel pretty or confident when all you can feel is the ugliness inside out. I know one of my resolutions was to not be the way I am like this but saying things and actually being able to do it is very different. I don't the know the answer or solution to it.


I need to stop putting things off like registering for classes and just getting my foot back in the whole schooling system. I took way too much time off to work on and off while self destructing. Also, I need to just stop saying I'll do it, just another day and get the fuck into the DMV. I hate those places with passion but I need to get a proper ID. Whipping out my passport was amusing for a while but it gets old and inconvenient especially since I get ID'd all the time. Apparently I look like I'm 17, FML. Plus, I tend to lose everything it's bound to happen sooner or later. To be honest I'm surprise I haven't lost it yet, must be some kind of record. Losing my passport would not end well for me. I don't know how I manage to lose most of the things I do... well I guess that's what makes it losing something but some of the stuff is just or should be nearly impossible to lose. Like just recently, I was raging over a box of envelopes. I had a ton of important paperwork I needed to return in the mail and somehow I manage to lose a giant box of envelopes I had on my desk I was just using recently. How does something like that go out of site? Did I take my ambien and throw it out the fucking window? No I didn't, It just happens. I need to organize things more...

Aside from needing a proper ID, I want to start driving before the semester starts since I'll be taking classes in Brooklyn so it'll be way more convenient than taking the bus. Seriously the MTA is always delayed now and I hate buses. I mean I'm probably a bit safer than I was before wandering around at night myself with the pepper spray and all, but still. Its tiring. Plus driving myself would enable me to run away spontaneously more often. Escape to the beach for some air or something in the middle of the night. I love long drives at night- just me, the city lights and music. I want to feel infinite. I think its the first step to just finding myself a change of environment somehow, no matter how small the distance.


I recently ordered another 10 bottles of the Jasmine body spray and other products in that scent while I was shopping for my usual necessities like shampoo and whatnot. Yes, I actually do 99% of all my shopping online. I really do avoid buying anything in person. I've been using this for probably about or over a decade now. I'm a bit worried they'll discontinue it so I've been contemplating stocking up on it but ended up with only 10 bottles for now. My wallet is crying and still recovering from Christmas shopping. Well, fuck it I hate that wallet anyway. I'm kind of imagining myself playing the worlds smallest violin while I tell the story of how I lost my opportunity at buying the only wallet I've ever really liked because my conscience is a bitch, again. I usually just throw cash in my bag anyway and it's like a black hole in there. I can never find anything...so I end up just carrying a credit card instead. I skip topics too much. Fucking bipolar or something. Anyway- It's always been my favorite scent and I think I'm so used to it by now, I don't really smell it myself anymore. I never realized until my best friend in High School pointed out that I always smell like Jasmines and a hint of cigarettes (sometimes). Its weird that the same fragrance can smell different on different people. Oh yeah, so were was I going with this- I recently recall why I'm so attached to this certain scent of Jasmine or why its so calming and nostalgic to me. Somehow I vaguely recall when I was a toddler still living with my grandma overseas. She had a Jasmine tree in her backyard. I use to love picking up the ones that fell off and collect them. The whole yard and the wind would smell of Jasmine.

Labels: childhood, co-workers, gossip, jasmine, job, resolutions, schedule, school, self-esteem, work