I write here for myself to keep my thoughts organized about my personal uneventful life and everything
else in between. I speak Engrish for the most part. So if you're a judging close minded asshole or
excessively annoying grammar nazi - fuck you, shut up and go away. This is my place, my rules. Keep
your shoes on.
 
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Friday, July 4, 2014 @ 11:11 PM
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I've seen kamekaze girls probably about 4 times. It's a cute feel good friendship movie, but this scene gets me everytime. She Said by Yoko Kanno was playing. It was perfect. 『うん、でも、今ここに誰も居ないよ。』 I don't think I can honestly convince myself there's someone I know that can be that nobody. There's always the constant need to talk, to fill the empty spaces, because you're not comfortable. Because you're not alone together. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my friend's company, I just don't have the constant stamina.
when you are crying?
You are burdened,
as if it hurts badly somewhere,
so crying is not
something to be ashamed of.
But a woman cannot
cry in front of others,
that attracts sympathy.
When you cry,
you must find a place alone,
that way, the more tear you shed,
the stronger you will become."
"Momoko,
Women, can't cry in front of others."
"Yes,
But, there is no one here now."
Then she turns around. 
I should learn how to bike, so I can pedal through the tears singing Ozaki like Ichiko. The probability of that happening is a big fat zero though, unless something flew into my eyes and made me tear up. For fucks sake, I'm even afraid to sing even when nobody is around... nobody is listening, I'm my own enemy. My curtains are opaque and thick as it can get, but nope. Always too fucking paranoid. I need to let go. Another reason is also, I just don't want to hear myself talk, sing, scream or whatever the hell else. My mind already does that enough on its own. Yup, it's screaming like a bitch.
There are so many essential survival and right of passage skills I lack. Well, even if I did know how to ride a bike, I'll probably get run over by angry NYC drivers within 5 minutes anyway. Drivers here are really assholes. "GTFO MY LANE." or maybe the bikers are the actual assholes, 'look at that bitch riding her bike like the entire street belongs to her'. Who knows.  The first time I tried riding a bike was in 7th grade. It was my friend's kiddie mountain bike, if that's the correct term for it. I made it down one block. For years after that, I assumed I'd be able to get on a bike and ride it like a beast. Nope. Second time biking was 9 years later at Governor's Island except this time, I had to get a normal bike. The fuck? I should have brought my own kiddie bike or asked for training wheels. I had neither. So I spent the entire day being reassured by a fucking bike that I'm a midget and I have no sense of balance. I think I'll just keep blaming it on the 9 year time gap or my non-existent childhood. Labels: failure, kamekaze girls, ozaki, sports, yoko kanno 0 Comments:
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