It's hard when I feel completely mute for the entire day. It's kinda become second nature to me to momentarily tell him how much I miss him or share our day... Several times I naturally went to our messenger conversation and typed I miss you so much ): but realized I couldn't send it. It's all the little things that keeps me going. Even though we don't get to talk much due to our schedule and time, just knowing he's there and thinking of me was enough to fill the void I felt today. It's going to be a super long week... sigh. If this is what my life will amount to, I really don't want to live it. This daily mundane emptiness is killing me. It's been a bad day that dragged on to what feels like forever. I don't actually remember the last time I had a good day since I've been back or stuck here myself to be honest. All I want is to see him again and just be in the comfort of each other's embrace and presence. 

I guess at least I finally went to the doctor's today for all my medication. I really wish I didn't have to take them but my insomnia is killing me. Then the rest of it was just a blur, class, bursars, finally got my on campus parking permit. Sociology today was all on the subject matter of love and relationships again. It was killing me like rubbing lemon on a wound. I haven't ate anything in about 2-3 days now but water and tea. Lately I just have no appetite. My daily routine= laying in bed wishing you were here, wake, school, attempt to sleep and that's about it. 

I really wish the week would go by sooner and today was Saturday and everything is okay. This anticipation and my constant worrying is pushing my anxiety to a max. It's all thats running in my head. I hate it when left hanging or having to anticipate anything. No matter what I do my head just wanders back to that question praying for the best because that's all I have left and its the only thing in my power... To hope he comes around to realize the magnitude of us. I usually think soul mates and love at first sight and all that stuff was garbage but I stand corrected by the universe; because I do believe we are soul mates and I wish he could see that too... I miss you all the time.

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