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I write here for myself to keep my thoughts organized about my personal uneventful life and everything else in between. I speak Engrish for the most part. So if you're a judging close minded asshole or excessively annoying grammar nazi - fuck you, shut up and go away. This is my place, my rules. Keep your shoes on.
There’s this boredom that drowns everything
Monday, July 27, 2015 @ 2:24 PM
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“I was drawn to all the wrong things: I liked to drink, I was lazy, I didn’t have a god, politics, ideas, ideals. I was settled into nothingness; a kind of non-being, and I accepted it. I didn’t make for an interesting person. I didn’t want to be interesting, it was too hard. What I really wanted was only a soft, hazy space to live in, and to be left alone.”— Charles Bukowski


About year ago I reached an epiphany — if I spent as much time and effort as I spent on games, I'd be a fucking millionaire by now. I should have taken that and go win at life instead. But no, god forbid I actually have to try and fail. So I found my escapism to avoid everything real. I have high tolerance for boring shit and retards, perfect skills for bullshitting the entire system. I'm a hoarder, obsessive compulsive and the only appealing thing I find about having children is making them do monotonous things I'm too fucking lazy to do. "Yeah hun, this fun right right? Now just keep clicking this shit for the next 10 hours ♥." The pros and cons of the idea didn't work out. Apparently my tolerance for boring shit does not apply to children or sheltered people that goes around vomiting sunshine and rainbows. "Oh my god! It's been 50 years since we last talked but I'm going to pretend you're my best friend, hows your day?" Fuck off, you make me sick.

Productive priorities right? I'm such a shithead sometimes. Sometimes being equivalent to all the years I wasted. While I realized this months ago and definitely years ago, I'm still stuck in the same cycle slowly trying to cut things out. Slowly is an understatement but at least I'm not giving into the temptations of games...at the moment.

Another confession I've known for way too long is that I do too many things on the internet and I still am. Oh look at me rambling away right here this very second, you fucking hypocrite. I like my good old classic notebook as much as the next person, but my hands hurt.


I find that I am growing increasingly irritated with everyone and everything around me. Yes, everything including all living things so I guess that plant in the corner better grow legs and run the fuck out of the room before I go Chris Brown on it. Okay, that made no sense, I don't even know the guy. Back on hate and hating everyone equally. With or without reason, I'll probably hate you. “Look at this bitch, eating those fucking crackers like she owns the place!” I've been steering clear of everyone so the potential damage will be minimal, especially people I care about. There's no specific reason for it, hopefully it's a phase and will pass soon. It's probably my ToTM soon, since last week I decided I'm going to go all alpha women on my life. My work out routine lasted all of 6 days, then my friends came to visit and I proceeded to binge for the next few days. Fuck my life. It's no secret I've gained weight. I'm just too much of a flake to lose it and keep it off. Anorexic people are probably the champions of willpower. Oh, and women are allowed to blame everything on their ToTM. If I murder someone, it's probably because I'm menstruating, so be considerate and just bring the shovels.

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