I told you, you'd give up on me.

I'm alive but not living. The other day I read something like "She was smart, until she fell in love." I instantly thought well fuck me and fuck pretty words and empty promises. I just want to erase myself and life for a while. I think that's what I'm doing. Because now that I think back about all the little things and observed myself from how helpless I was, I can see clearly people treated me like shit despite all their pretty little lies and I let them because I wanted so badly for it to be. But then again sometimes (as much as I try not to) I think back and I can't help but feel a bit bitter. Those who claimed I am everything but turned their back on me; it turns out I don't think too much of them either after analyzing all thats happened. I was disillusioned by all their bullshit, being treated like shit and taken for granted because I don't play the game like every girl should? I guess its true that people don't appreciate what they have and only covet what they can't or don't have; being addicted to the chase. It's all just an ego boost if the person wins. It's disgusting. I honestly thought I was smarter than that but I was just buried under the illusion of a grandiose image. 

Seriously.

I. felt. so. fucking. stupid.

and maybe I generally am.

But I didn't think I was this insignificant.

I've made myself easily disposable.

Fuck me.

Well, it's 7am and can't sleep anymore. I'm slowly losing track of my life, but maybe I'll start pouring all my emo whining rants here again to keep myself sane. Because I don't know where I am anymore.