I write here for myself to keep my thoughts organized about my personal uneventful life and everything
else in between. I speak Engrish for the most part. So if you're a judging close minded asshole or
excessively annoying grammar nazi - fuck you, shut up and go away. This is my place, my rules. Keep
your shoes on.
 
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Sunday, September 22, 2013 @ 8:58 PM
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I feel completely helpless and more vulnerable than I've ever been. This is going to be the longest week of my life. Just don't ever forget our bond and love for each other and how its above everything. I hope the right decision is made after all we've been through all these years. You can't say you love somebody and do something so cruel without any remorse or trying; crushing them to dust because I'm already broken. I can't handle anymore of it. If it's all taken away, I no longer have a purpose in life. The future we dreamt of together ends before it even started. Don't you see that we haven't even started the rest of our lives yet, this is just the beginning and the stepping stone to our relationship and theres bond be mistakes in the beginning. But we will learn from them.and learn to love more. Love is above all that remorse and grief. We were just so naive but we can take this as a lesson. Never take the amazing person you fell in love for granted and find that unconditional love. We deserve way more than a chance at happiness together because we're meant to be. I fell for the person you were before all of this and under it all, I'll always love you for who you are, regardless.The universe and the world is such a large place and out of billions of people and after a decade, life brought us together and I've never stopped loving you. This merits a lot more than just not giving a shit anymore and throwing in the towel. I hope he comes around and understand what I'm trying to say. We belong together. Labels: alone, bad days, bad habits, beginning, breaking everything, communication, depressed, drama, falling, frustration, fucked up, hurt, insomnia, life, lost, love Saturday, November 5, 2011 @ 4:26 PM
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 So I decided to start another one of these things. I should or will probably end up locking a lot of entries for the sake of longevity and my conscience. I've never had a blog I've been completely honest in because I've always been paranoid that people I know or the few people I care about will come across it and get their feelings hurt. I couldn't care less what the rest of you assholes thing. It's pathetic because I should be writing for myself but I'm too busy worrying about what people think that I compulsively edit parts of my life and day to their satisfaction. Well, fuck it, I adore you but I'm tired of catering to your feelings. Hah, who am I kidding, I'm a wuss.  The whole purpose of keeping a blog to begin with was to organize my thoughts so it doesn't replay over and over again in my head until I go batshit crazy and god forbid, start cleaning again. It's easier on paper, but seriously who has the hand stamina for that. I get to page 2 and I'm already thinking "fuck it, fuck this, I don't care if you need to vent, my hands hurt and your handwriting is becoming shittier by the second." Then proceed to lay down and stare at the ceilings for another 6 hours hoping I can catch some sleep. So much more productive right? I imagine that if I didn't use cleaning as an escape or distraction, I'd probably end up living in the house like the Finches. Fucking awesome. Christmas tree all year round, I'm the complete opposite. I use to put up the Christmas tree about 2 days before Christmas. Mostly because mom would call me and yell at me to do it. "Whats the freaking point?" "Just stfu and do it, why is it so hard to get you to do anything?" "Well... it's a fucking waste of time, Christmas is in 3 days and it's not like we do anything for it anyway" "Just do it." and hangs up. That's an unfair win, you cheated. You didn't give me a chance to whine about it more. Resistance is futile but at least I can tell myself I tried. So I put up the fucking tree anyway. I imagine when its time for me to take it down, I should just burn it. I usually put off taking the tree down until February or March anyway. Speaking of Christmas, it's coming up in a couple of months. Not that there is anything I celebrate, but at least it'll be shiny and pretty. I can pretend I'm in a not so perfect wonderland while wandering the city. Not so perfect because it's always crowded with annoying tourists and persistent street salesmen trying to sell you spa packages. No thanks, I can pluck my eyebrows on my own plus I'm broke. It's okay, I don't blame them, they're just trying to make a living. Just try to make your living and leave me the fuck alone. Labels: beginning, christmas, me, ocd
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