Labels: christmas, procrastination, ranting, wasting time

Its finally Christmas, kind of disappointed there hasn't been any snow since the random snowstorm at the end of October. Its been a pretty warm winter so far compared to the ones before. I'm still just wearing my thin jackets or sweaters along with scarves. Most of the things I ordered online actually came in the mail before Christmas but that still doesn't change the fact that aside from a few of my family members- all my friends are going to receive their gifts late after factoring shipping and handling time or when I have time off from work. Most of my schedule is really restricted by my work hours aside from Wednesdays and sometimes Thursdays.


There isn't anything particularly interesting throughout the week so far. Most of my nights were spent wrapping gifts, putting together packages and writing letters. I don't know why it takes me so long to do every little thing. I can pretty much publish a novel with all the essays for letters I wrote. I actually wrote to a couple members of my family this year. Part of the effort was worth it when I gave my sister her gift earlier today and she started crying after reading the letter. I guess she doesn't know that I do love her and I'm always looking out for her even if we lead our own lives.


A's gift came in the mail last night, thanks (: "Bath bombs because you take ridiculous baths and showers." The little note made me laugh, I really am notorious for it. Super cute, girly and neat as expected haha. It smelled really nice, but then I realized something- I have no idea how the hell bath bombs work...? I fail at being part of the female race. Seriously what the fuck, I'm going to have to Google it sometime or just throw them in and wish for the best. Besides failing at that, I also fail at getting presents on time. If you're reading- I'm sorry A, your present is still on an airplane somewhere flying from Korea. Happy Unbirthday presents are much cooler anyway! I'll get it to you as soon as I can, or maybe I should just ask one of the people going on that group trip to Florida to deliver it directly. Free shipping!


Another highlight of the week that came in the mail a couple of days ago - Vintage Floral Dr. Martens! I always wanted these, but I sadly wouldn't even get a chance to wear them much since aside from work which has a strict dress code, I don't go out very often. I should have invested in saving for a new camera instead. On the bright side, I received laptop as one of my Christmas presents so at least I'd be more likely to keep updated more since I can write in bed before I face plant onto the keyboard.

Oh yeah, I recently dyed my hair again (last Wednesday or the one before that...) even thought I swore I wouldn't touch it after frying it last time when I forgot and left on the hair toner for waaay too long. My friend was talking about Ion hair dyes and mixing the stuff yourself at home. I got curious. I think I'm just going to go back to a dark Mocha brown after I use up all the dye I bought. Oh yeah, I finally cut my hair too. People keep pointing out how long my hair is and asking how I grow my hair so long. The thing is- it was never because I was trying to grow it out, its simply because I can't be arsed to go to a salon and get it cut. Its such a hassle and ...well I just don't care enough. So I just walked into a random place and got 6 inches of my hair cut off. The hair stylist also attempted to rescue my bangs that looked like it was cut by a 7 year old with plastic safety scissors...or someone who took ambien and decided cutting her hair was a good idea in the middle of the night, fml >_>. Now I'm just gonna let it grow out. Hooray for shitty phone pictures. I'm a slob after work and my hair gets all wavy since I have to tie it back at work.


I think it was yesterday when I finally got the notice in my email that I wasn't accepted to the first school of my choice for the spring semester because I fucked up my GPA so bad my last few years and I've been out of school for a couple of years. I pretty much shot myself in the foot and now I'll probably have to take classes in community college for a semester or two, get a better GPA then transfer. More delays. Everything feels like a waste of time. The system is so annoying and I'm just unmotivated. I don't know what I want to do. Whenever I take the initiative to do something and fix whatever I've fucked up, things I'm working towards seem to be drifting further as I try. In the end, I have no one to blame but myself. I just cant help but feel like I'm at another dead end again and I'm not sure where to start untangling from this mess.

5:20am, I should sleep before I snooze my alarm a few hundred times and oversleep again.

Labels: christmas, family, fashion, friends, presents, school

Trying to recollect myself after yesterday since I couldn't think straight after one of our many arguments. I can't seem to find time to go out Christmas shopping, I probably wouldn't be very successful if I tried anyway. Too many things on display, too many places; I wouldn't know where to start. I'd probably just get really overwhelmed and frustrated by merchandise all over the place and leave. This is why I do all my shopping online. I've been trying to organize my list and what I want to get for the few people who matter in my life. I'm just hoping everything comes on time. Well, it wouldn't change anything either way because I think the thoughts and gesture of the gift is more significant than the time its received on. My Christmas presents will turn into Unbirthday presents. So far my pay from the past couple weeks of work is almost completely void but its something I want to do. I think things are totaling up to around $700, I'll pretend my first paycheck is next month instead. No, I wasn't splurging on things for myself. The only thing I would have bought myself with the excuse that its Christmas is the super frilly fruity baby pink girly Samantha Thavasa wallet that I was convinced is my soul mate (wallet wise?). Pity I missed my chance (Fuck you conscience) and now they're completely obsolete. So there goes my love at first sight, its time to move the fuck on. This month isn't for me.

Yesterday I got a last minute email from workplace2 telling me I work  Thursday and Friday this week. Thursday as in that same day the email was sent. Oh, and the email was sent 3 hours before my scheduled shift was suppose to start. Obviously I didn't get to the email until later into the night when I got home, so I didn't show up for work that day. I already told the manager the week before when we were putting in our availability and schedule plans that I wouldn't be available this Thursday. Not only does she completely disregard that, she only gave me 2 shifts this week. On the other hand, who sends out an email telling their employee they need to be at work that day 3 hours before the shift starts? Sorry, I'm not fancy and I don't have the whole phone internet email shit. A phone call or text message would have been the smarter bet on urgent matters. I don't utilize my phone enough either way. It should be standard protocol to give at least a days notice when it comes to scheduling and appointments. I'm not on beck and call, I don't pay attention to my phone constantly and I'm not camping my email all hours of the day. This women drives me crazy. The only reason shes the manager is because her daddy opened the business. She can't manage anything besides nitpicking on trivial things, crumbling under pressure and lashing out on employees. It's so unprofessional.

Tonight was nothing eventful, it was slow for a Friday night but the manager changed her mind and decided she needs me the entire weekend instead of just 2 weekdays she originally planned so I guess I'll be working the entire weekend as well this week. Its a bit odd that there are already "regular" customers who remember my name after 1 week. Some guy came in today who was part of a group last week and asked for me. "Do you remember me?" I didn't, but I just winged it somehow. Then it came back to me- he was the guy who I had to keep refilling his soda for- he is a cola addict. Then he insisted on giving me a fist bump before he left for the night. I'm a bit awkward about gestures like that. Reminds me of the time I was at the billiards place with a group of friends and one of my friends suddenly got excited and was like "up here" or something like that. I just stared at her awkwardly and said "what the fuck when did we ever do those?" I'm not gangster/ghetto enough. (lol sorry A if you're reading this I'll work on my super swagger handshake fist bumps just for you next time instead of staring at you like a martian)

I had a short chat with a couple of a co-workers that are in similar positions to me later into the night. The restaurant is mostly family runned, but I didn't think it would be this unprofessional. Yeah, they have their 2nd generation cousins, cousin of cousins, friends, brothers, lovers, pets, uncles, you name it working there. Most of the employees are either old friends or somewhere in the family tree. Only one other server, the bartenders and I are outsiders. We're the only staff in the place who discovered and landed the job on our own but it seems to be a disadvantage. So if anything were to go down, we would probably be the first to be screwed over.

I was reassured I'm not the only one who feels like I'm doing 5 different jobs under the title of 1 job. Also, because of the lazy incompetent manager who insist on closing sales for the day first then splitting our tips, most of the time we have to pick up our tips our next shift but things don't seem to add up. Tips are usually handled between servers, not held by the manager overnight with the leeway to do whatever they want such as allocating a percentage of it to certain staff members who played no role in serving itself. A lot of things can be modified overnight after all. They're tipping various "helpers" and the bartender off the server tips. It's suspicious and of course, we're not family. The pay isn't terrible but it isn't that fucking awesome that I'd put up with this system long term. Don't get me wrong, I'm more than happy to pay for the support I receive during my shift. At workplace1 where its not a pool system on tips, I tip out my busser generously based on my total sales of the night like most places do, not the percentage of my tips because tips are always fluctuating, so its really up to your luck of getting good customers.

This restaurant looks great decoratively, but the servers are really the ones who are carrying the weight to keep things going. This place is crossing the line of how much side work you can expect out of a server. I thought I was hired to waitress, not to be the runner, busser, food presentation person and definitely not a janitor. I understand there are side jobs but I get off late overtime every night because they make most of the servers do all the closing and cleaning everyday. I'm pretty sure they aren't considering us staying after the standard closing time overtime pay either. Things like that are no longer side jobs, its a whole other job itself.

The female bartender and another server both who are in their 40s were already talking about leaving or quitting before the end of the year. It turns out the female bartender and the oldest server are both on unemployment and this job isn't worthy enough to lose unemployment over. The female bartender is probably quitting in a couple of weeks and the other server has "new plans" for the new years. I think the only reason I'm staying is for the experience to build up my resume before I move on to a more well established place. Its just a stepping stone since most places refuse to train or hire anyone without experience despite all the other qualifying factors. Its just a blind rule. Well, in the name of Alexander the Bear- I'll bear with it, for now. I should probably start updating my resume soon...

Labels: christmas, friends, job, sleazy management, work

This morning started out bad from the moment my crappy old phone started going off. I still use my old phone as an alarm since I haven't been as proactive as I should be about calling T-Mobile to get my plan fixed so I can use a new phone. Somehow the option to turn off the alarm didn't work and I was really just too exhausted to look through the phone. I ended up snoozing the phone at least 60 times. It was a bit obscure since it goes off every minute after I press snooze. I was basically in zombie mode while it kept going off for over an hour. I had the phone in my hand and instinctively pressed snooze every minute and getting another 59 seconds of shut eye. Momo has been jumping off the bed in the middle of the night lately also then end up barking at me to pick her back up on the bed multiple times a night. Its been happening a lot lately, shes killing me. I'm usually too tired to get mad about it but its getting on my nerves now that I think about it in a fully conscious state.

I added 'Mary Stayed Out All Night Long' (thanks A) to my list of 10 different things I'm watching at the same time. I'm boring. Lately I haven't been doing anything but trying to write down my entries to help with my memory and organizing my thoughts or watching random things. Even just trying to write down my day in a manner that's somewhat comprehensible is becoming a chore. On the other hand I guess it does help me organize my thoughts a bit. I'm required to talk to a therapist because of a breakdown I had a while back and she mentioned that I seem to be able to at least identify a bit more of what I need or want to say. In response, I told her its simply because I've been chronicling my thoughts and days like a little girl in writing so I basically repeat a majority of what I've already come to recognize. Next time I should just print my entries and email it to her, save myself the entire session of paraphrasing my entries to her.

Nothing extravagant or exciting as usual. Especially when I get off night shifts I just let something play as I write. This drama is another one of those lighthearted romantic comedies involving a poor girl, indie rock star and a rich guy. A bit cliche but I'm actually enjoying it even though I've only got through a few episodes so far. I hope it doesn't get too annoying complicated with misunderstandings like they always do in Korean dramas. There isn't any actors in this series I can't stand to watch so I'm not constantly annoyed at a specific character simply because I hate the actress. Jang Geun Suk from You're Beautiful is one of the mean leads in this as well. So that's plus points for eye candy. Oh, so this song came on in the drama and I've had it on repeat since, it's so addicting.

I can't seem to find the actual clip of him performing it in the drama, but this will have to do. Just look at the guy, Korean Hyde!
I hate it when rock stars stand there like a log and sing. It's boring, so either their voice must be pretty fucking awesome or you don't do that, doesn't really work out live anyway. Hes a really good performer on stage, I'd go to his performance if he did a live in NYC. Just kinda makes me miss going to indie performances at bars and lounges. Why don't I do that anymore. I really think this guy should start a rock band. Hands down, I swear hes the Korean version of Hyde. Hes a good performer and I love his voice. Soft spot for guys with slightly deep raspy voices like that? I don't know. Ideally the super Korean rock band = him as a Vocalist + guitarist and No Min Woo as the drummer or guitarist. Would be perfect.

When I talk about how attractive I think someone is whether they're male or female it always brings me back to a conversation I had with a friend.


Friend:
Have you ever had a moment where...
you see this incredibly attractive person and you just think to yourself,
"Oh damn... I'd do em"?
I mean "I'd do em"
You don't know the person
Me:
Hmm not specifically that,
I mean if someone is attractive I would acknowledge that they're attractive...
Friend:
but have you ever had a moment like oh damn...
i'd do him not just acknowledgement
Me:
No, I don't think so
It's not like my ovaries is tingling or anything
and I'm thinking I'd do him
Friend: wth...wtf?! LOL
Me: Female version of a boner?

I'd like to add the disclaimer that occasional rock star fangirling doesn't count since its not going to happen.

I really should start going to strand or other indie used book stores in person instead of ordering used books online. The shipping fees + book itself is starting to add up even at a reduced price. I still haven't gotten around to ordering Lolita by: Vladimir Nabokov and The Tale of the Rose: The Passion That Inspired The Little Prince by: Consuelo de Saint-Exupery yet. I should just go hunting for them in bookstores I usually wander around in, but it's such a headache trying to pin down a specific book I still haven't figured out the system they use to organize and section the books. Being me, I refuse to talk to an employee because I just don't like asking for assistance when it comes to purchasing things, because its personal. Asking someone for a book I want to read is pretty much equivalent to asking some random dude who works at a pharmacy wheres the tampons or something of that nature to me. I don't know why.


Then there's the pile of books I'm still reading. I don't know why I still couldn't bring myself to finish Momo yet. Its almost as if I'm afraid to find out how its going to end. Reading it is making me crazy depress about the corporate world. Or maybe I do have ADHD or something because I can't seem to stick to watching 1 thing or reading 1 thing at a time. It's always at least 5 different things of the same activity at a time. In fact, that applies to pretty much everything I do, I just get myself tangled up in everything I do. Can't be arsed to try and find out though. I rather live in blissful ignorance.

I'm starting to notice that a lot of places started removing mirrors from the ladies' room especially public places. Very smart, but it sucks for us. I guess its so there won't be a mile long lines for the restroom since women probably spent more time in front of the mirror fixing their makeup than actually using the bathroom. It really doesn't take that long to pee.

It's December... I really hope it snows more soon. The one thing I never get sick of about NYC is the city during Christmas. I miss having a coffee in the middle of a freezing street, people watching, slow walks and talks or just breathing in the piercing cold but refreshing air. I haven't had the chance to walk down the city streets with all the decorative lights this year yet. The notion of it is just nostalgic to me and holds so many memories. I'd like to do that more often with the year coming to an end soon whether its by myself and with another person.

Labels: books, christmas, dramas, media, nyc, random, sleep

Labels: beginning, christmas, me, ocd